


Still Jack and Daniel - Full Circle - I What Lies Within

by Annejackdanny



Series: Still Jack and Daniel Series 3  - Full Circle [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Kid Fic, M/M, Whump, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-25 00:21:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annejackdanny/pseuds/Annejackdanny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas and a mission goes wrong. BD ends up in the infirmary and Jack has to find his ancienty and what else lies within him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still Jack and Daniel - Full Circle - I What Lies Within

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SGDiva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SGDiva/gifts).



> For Hazel, with love - because you gave me the plot bunny and helped me to move forward 
> 
> This is the 1st story in the 3rd series of "Still Jack and Daniel"

**What Lies Within**

  
  


“ _What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within us out into the world, miracles happen.”_

  1. # _(Ralph Waldo Emerson)_




  
  


**Prolog**

  
  


“Don't you DARE fucking die on me.” The words were said harshly. Ground out. A sharp contrast to the gentle touch of the wet cloth dabbing pale feverish skin. “Just... don't,” was added in an agonized whisper as the cloth was removed and put on the nightstand. 

Daniel watched as Jack's fingers slowly closed over the still hand resting upon the blanket; holding on, maybe squeezing tenderly. He couldn't tell from where he was standing in the darkness by the door. 

“I didn't haul your sorry ass all the way back through the gate for nothing, you hear that? Get your act together. C'mon. We need you around here.” The desperate rant was answered by silence, except for the constant noise of the heart-lung machine. 

The tube pumped air into BD's lungs.

The IV transported blood into BD's veins. 

Another IV held a clear liquid that was dripping slowly through another tube. Antibiotics. Daniel tried not to look too closely at the exposed shoulder and the burn wound further down the arm, which was coated with something yellow and slimy. It was supposed to disinfect and help with the healing, but there was something else in that wound. Something that didn't belong there; blue and fuzzy, and growing. The shoulder was dressed in a pristine white sling that went over BD's chest to keep him from moving the arm. 

Not that he'd be moving at all. He was unconscious. 

Daniel wanted to step closer, but something was holding him back. Jack suddenly surged to his feet and walked around the bed, carefully avoiding any contact with the IV lines and machines. Then he stood there, gazing down at BD. His eyes closed in concentration he raised a hand until it hovered, palm down, over the open wound. 

Daniel held his breath as he realized what Jack was trying to do. 

And released it with a disappointed gasp when the hand was lowered and Jack's eyes opened. “Crap.” He spun around and Daniel froze as though he'd been caught watching something forbidden. 

“I...” Daniel started, not sure what he was going to say; if he should say anything at all. 

Jack twisted his way around the IV lines and held out an inviting arm for Daniel to come over. He swallowed down a lump in his throat as he left his spot by the door and silently stood next to Jack who wrapped his arm around Daniel's shoulders. 

“Try again,” he said into the heavy silence.

“What?”

“What you just... did. You have to try again.”

“I tried. Didn't work,” Jack said, in that angry voice again.

“Aiyana said...”

“I KNOW what she said, Daniel. You've been yelling loud enough.” 

Daniel flinched as Jack's anger was now directed at him.

Jack tightened his arm around him, apologizing silently. “It's just not working,” he said flatly. Then he turned to face Daniel, cupping his face with both hands. “I know you can't sleep, buddy. Why don't we take the dog for a late walk?” 

Daniel looked up at Jack. Walking the dog? What was he talking about? “You have to stay with him.”

“Teal'c will take over in a bit,” Jack said, his eyes flickering away from Daniel, over to the bed. “Fraiser wanted me out of here to get some rest hours ago.”

“Teal'c can go with me,” he replied. “You stay with him.” 

Jack patted his face. “It's Christmas. The least we should do is have a walk in the snow under the stars, build a snow man, do snow angels, throw some balls at each other... to wind down a bit.”

“No.” Daniel took a step back. “I'm fine. I want you to stop worrying about _me_ , Jack. I don't need you to play in the snow with me. It won't make any of us feel better and you know it.”

“My worry-radar has no off switch,” Jack pointed out with a grimace. “You've been holed up in here for two days. The whole turkey dinner and Christmas stuff has been blown to netu, but we could go for some distraction.” 

“Teal'c can distract me if you really think that's what I need,” Daniel said, offering a compromise. BD needed Jack. He needed him here and he needed him now. If it made Jack feel better, Daniel would go out with Teal'c. 

“What kind of distraction do you require, Daniel?” Teal'c's deep voice was coming from the door and they both looked at the Jaffa striding in.

“Take me and Flyboy for a walk, please?” Daniel asked.

Jack crossed his arms and gave him a look that would have been a glare if his eyes weren't so tired. “I was going to take them.”

“You stay here,” Daniel said quietly. “You need to stay here,” he repeated urgently. “I know you want to. You _have_ to.”

Jack shook his head, his voice fading away. “Danny, there's nothing I can do.”

Daniel stepped forward again and took Jack's large hands into his small ones. “Keep trying. And if you can't... Just be with him. In case he has to go.” He couldn't say 'die'. A small frightened part in him thought that if he said 'die' it was going to happen. Soon. 

“I will take you and Flyboy for a walk,” Teal'c said. He turned to Jack. “You will try again, O'Neill.”

Jack pulled his hands out of Daniel's, a silent question in his eyes.

“I'm okay. As okay as I can be.” He watched as Jack went back to the chair. Watched as Jack fixed his gaze back on BD's still body. 

A gentle hand on Daniel's shoulder steered him away, but before he and Teal'c left the infirmary Daniel caught a last glance of Jack burying his face in his hands. 

**I**

**Ten hours earlier...**

Little Daniel gazed at his computer screen, stifling a yawn. He wasn't tired. Just incredibly bored. He'd been working on nothing but basic translations all through November. Nothing exciting. Text samples found on ruins that spoke of one deity or another, mostly Goa'uld that were long dead or still out there, but no threat to them.

They shouldn't waste time on all this stuff. They should prepare for Anubis. 

He sighed, knowing it wasn't possible to prepare for something as long as they didn't know when and how it was going to happen. The Alpha site was prepared for evacuation. The Beta site was in progress to prepare for evacuation. They had talked to the Asgard and Thor had promised assistance if possible. But the Asgard were deep in war with the Replicators and had their own battles to fight. The Tok'ra and the resistance Jaffa warriors were currently both based at the Alpha site and while they were willing to fight Anubis, they were a small army compared to the shiploads of super soldiers Anubis would probably bring along. 

Jacob had managed to destroy the queen who provided the super soldiers... Kull warriors... with symbiotes, but no one knew how many of them Anubis had already created. Jacob and Sam had said the army on Tartarus was huge and most likely only the tip of the ice berg. 

Daniel waited for a sign, for a new vision, for anything... anything that meant things were moving forward. He had the knowledge of how to defeat Anubis in his head. But it had not revealed itself to him, yet. Aside from interludes of restlessness and unease nothing had happened. He felt more and more like he was sitting on a ticking bomb that might blow up any moment. And he couldn't do anything but wait for it to happen... and then what? 

Frustrated, he shut down his computer. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. He should be looking forward to that. Jack and BD were going to treat them to a full blown turkey dinner with all the trimmings. The tree was in the stand at home, the boxes with decorations were on the table, the gifts were mostly wrapped and the Daniels had gone grocery shopping. Everything was set and Daniel had vowed to soak up every moment of it, to enjoy every minute. It might be his last Christmas as a kid. 

_It might be your last Christmas, period_ , a dark and cold voice reminded him. He chose not to listen to it.

Anubis wouldn't dare attack Earth on Christmas, would he? “No way,” Daniel said out loud, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “Not that he even knows what Christmas is. But he'll sure stop and turn around to wait another couple of days if we tell him now isn't an appropriate time to destroy Earth.”

Flyboy, who was dozing on the couch, raised his head, yawned and went back to dreamland.

He checked his watch. Sam, Teal'c and BD should be due back soon. They were at the Alpha site testing the new weapon against the super soldiers. Daniel hoped they'd managed to finally make it work. It had been developed by reversing the technology of the Telchak device. It was a prototype and progress on making it work was slow. Too slow. Right now the weapon was only 70 percent effective against the Kull warriors. But Sam had come up with something to give it more power and SG-1 had gone to the Alpha site to meet with Jacob and work on the weapon with a new power pack. 

He swiveled in his desk chair, contemplating whether go to the control room and wait for them or stay here until he heard the Klaxons going off, when Jack entered his office. 

Daniel felt his stomach plummeting. “What happened?”

Jack was fully geared up. 

“S and R,” he said, his expression one of grim determination, his eyes dark.

“The Alpha site?” Daniel didn't need confirmation. He knew. He had heard the klaxons earlier, but thought it was just another team coming home. He no longer jumped every time the gate was activated.

“There was an ambush. Carter and Jackson are missing.”

Daniel put two and two together and felt the blood drain from his face. “Anubis. He found out about the weapon,” he whispered. “But... how? And how did he find the Alpha site?” 

“I don't know. There's been a Kull Warrior attack. Teal'c and M'Zel came through once it was over. Ships are gone, but there's still a drone out there probably going after Carter.”

“Because she's the creator of the weapon,” Daniel said flatly. “They want her dead.”

Jack nodded. “They probably think she has the weapon with her.”

“Does she?” Daniel hoped she did so she could at least try to kill that thing. Otherwise her chances were... slim.

Jack shook his head. “Jacob has it, but she has the power pack with the new design. I need to go.” He put his hands on Daniel's shoulders. “If anything happens in the lines of new intel... “ 

“I will go and tell General Hammond.”

“Good. We need Fraiser on stand by just in case. If you need to take the dog out, take Siler with you.”

“Okay.” 

Jack didn't say 'don't worry'. But he ruffled his hair and gave him a crooked smile. Daniel surged forward and wrapped his arms around Jack's middle, the tac vest and weapon getting in the way a bit. Jack hugged him tightly and patted the back of his head. 

“Get them back,” Daniel murmured. 

“You bet.” Jack gave him a gentle push. “Hang in there, buddy.” With that he turned abruptly and strode out, leaving Daniel and Flyboy to look after him.

The dog had left his place on the couch and plastered himself against Daniel as though he wanted to keep him from running after Jack. Daniel crouched down and hugged him. “They'll be okay,” he said. “Jack will find them.” 

And with that the long wait began.

Not long after Jack had gone the klaxons went off again and Daniel ran to the control room, leaving Flyboy in his office. He stood next to Walter, careful not to be in the way, and watched people coming through the gate. Most of them were wounded, but still on their feet. Medical teams ushered them out of the gate room. 

Daniel counted twenty, most of them Jaffa, some of the Tok'ra, four or five marines who had been based at the Alpha site. 

“They're sending through some of the survivors of the attack. The rest will go to the Beta Site,” Walter provided Daniel with information before he could ask. “SG-3 and Teal'c went back to the Alpha site with Colonel O'Neill. M'Zel and Delek, the Tok'ra who was in command of the group staying at the Alpha site, are in the briefing room with General Hammond. No word of Major Carter and Doctor Jackson yet.”

“Thank you, Walter,” Daniel said, grateful for the update. Walter never treated him like a kid. It was like he hadn't changed at all when he was talking to Walter. 

“General Hammond wanted you to know,” Walter said. “Actually, he told me to inform you he wants to talk to you later.”

“Oh, okay.” He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to hang out in the control room and be underfoot, but he couldn't tear his eyes from the gate, hoping against all odds that Jack, BD and Sam were coming through after all. He clasped his hands behind his back to appear calm. 

Walter turned to look at him. “Why don't you take a chair and sit down. We can wait together.”

“I should... I don't want to be in your way. It might take hours for them to get back.” Daniel said, a wave of disappointment surging through him as the gate shut down. No Jack. No SG-1. “I'll go back to my office until General Hammond calls for me.” 

“You're not in the way up here. We can't do anything but wait anyway.” Walter gave him a thoughtful look. “I heard through the grapevine the commissary has Starbuck's Christmas blend. I'm stuck here, but...” 

“I can get coffee,” Daniel offered, glad for something to do. 

“You do that. I'll stay here to open the door for them,” Walter said with a small smile. 

Daniel returned the smile and was on his way.

The commissary was decorated for Christmas so that the poor guys who had to be on duty over the holidays got at least a whiff of the season's spirit. There was a tree decked with gold glitter, red baubles and lights. On top of it was enthroned an angel with golden flowing hair and white feathery wings. Light strings were attached over the counter where Cathleen and Julie dished out the Christmas menu – turkey with mashed potatoes, gravy and sweet corn. There was pumpkin pie for dessert and a various selection of cookies to choose from. It smelled delicious, but it reminded Daniel of their planned dinner tomorrow and for a moment he worried they might not be able to spend their Christmas as planned.

 _You don't know that_ , he chided himself. _Stop being so negative._

He got two large cups of Starbuck's Christmas blend, two creams and sugars from the commissary and carried them through the SGC, careful not to drop or spill anything. His thoughts were out there with Jack, Teal'c, BD and Sam. And Jacob. And all the others who hadn't come through. Weren't there over hundred people at the Alpha site? What had happened to all of them? They couldn't be all dead, could they? Most of them must have gone to the Beta Site. How many super soldiers were still out there chasing after Sam? How many ships had Anubis sent for the attack? And how could he know about the location of the Alpha site? And the weapon?

Deep in thought he returned to the control room and then he and Walter sat and sipped their coffee in silence. The gate stood still and unmoving. 

The waiting continued.

The coffee was long gone and Daniel had heard all of what Walter was going to do on Christmas when General Hammond finally entered the control room, a deep line of worry between his water-blue eyes. 

“Still nothing?” he addressed Walter.

“Nothing, sir.” It was a rhetorical exchange of course. Walter would have reported any incoming immediately and Hammond would have heard the klaxons going off in the briefing room. 

“It's good you're here, son.” Hammond turned to Daniel. “I want to talk to you for a moment.” He motioned for Daniel to follow him and a moment later he was seated in one of the general's visitor chairs.

Hammond sat behind his desk and gave Daniel an intent look. “Did Colonel O'Neill tell you what happened at the Alpha site?”

“Yes. And Walter filled in some blanks.” Daniel bit his lip. “I don't understand. How... how could he have known? Anubis, I mean. He couldn't have known.” 

Hammond nodded slowly. “That's what I want to talk to you about. Do you have any idea... any clue, how Anubis could have found out the location of the Alpha site? Or the existence of the weapon?”

Daniel shook his head. “No, sir. I know he used the mind probe on Jack once, but that was even before we found the Telchak device.”

“But he could have gotten the Intel about the Alpha site from Colonel O'Neill,” Hammond said quietly.

Daniel squirmed in his seat. “Theoretically... yes. But, sir, you know Jack would never willingly give away any classified information. He was tortured. That mind probe... it transfers all your memories, all your knowledge, to the one using it. But Anubis was only searching for the prophecy so he might not have gotten any information about the Alpha site from Jack.” 

Hammond gave Daniel a reassuring smile. “I'm not accusing Jack of anything, Daniel. You should know that. I'm just trying to rule out every possibility. We need to find out where Anubis got the information from. But I agree. Since he knew about the weapon he must have gotten his knowledge elsewhere.” 

“Then.. what are you saying, sir?” Daniel was confused. 

“You know what Anubis is, Daniel. He is half ancient and half humanoid. Do you think it's possible for him to take Ancient form and penetrate other people's minds? Could he have been on the Alpha site, observing General and Major Carter working on the weapon? You are our expert on Ancients. If anyone knows about these things it's you.”

Daniel thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. “Anubis is stuck between ancient form and humanoid form. He can't switch from one to the other. No one knows what's underneath his cloak, but he can't go pure energy. He could penetrate people's minds if he used his mind probe. But he can't get into any base unseen unless he has a cloaking device like the one Nirrti had.”

“But if he had a cloaking device...” 

“You think he used the mind probe on someone at the Alpha site? Someone who knew about the weapon? That he used a cloaking device to get in and then used the probe on someone?” Daniel felt a chill run down his spine.

“I am just trying to shed some light on this,” Hammond sighed. “If … I'm stressing the word if… Anubis learned about the Alpha site from Colonel O'Neill he could have been there in hiding for quite some time. Provided he has a cloaking device. Or he could have someone spying on us at the Alpha site.” 

“But, sir, if someone had the cloaking device and was spying on them he could have stolen the weapon, tried to kill Sam and Jacob, and just left. Why the ambush? That doesn't make sense.” 

Hammond gave him another nod. “That's what I've been thinking. The alternative would be there's a mole on the Alpha site. M'Zel is accusing the Tok'ra of course. And the Tok'ra are accusing the Jaffa.” He shook his head. “We're not getting anywhere like this. I needed to know about Anubis, but you're right. The ambush wouldn't make much sense if he had the means to roam the Alpha site unseen. Let's concentrate on the problem at hand first. I sent an UAV out to oversee the territory and help finding missing people and locate the Kull Warrior.”

“Is it armed?”

“Yes. It can't kill the drone, but might at least distract it from its target. Teal'c is sure the drone is after Major Carter because she has the weapon design.” 

“And she's with Daniel?” 

“Teal'c reported they escaped together during the attack, yes.” Hammond shook his head. “I know the waiting must be driving you crazy, Daniel, but I'm sure Colonel O'Neill will find them before the drone does.”

“Yeah,” Daniel said. “He will.” He had to. 

“I won't order you to go back to your office. You're welcome to keep Walter company, but it might take a while until we hear anything, son.”

He swallowed and stood. “Thank you, sir. I have to look after my dog. I'll be okay.”

The general's mouth twitched. “Just don't attempt to go through the gate in someone's suitcase again, Daniel.”

Remembering his trip to Abydos in Kasuf's pannier, he blushed. “No, sir. There's not much I can do to help here.”

“And if your Ancient friend tells you where to find them, you'll report to me,” Hammond said.

“She hasn't been in touch lately,” Daniel said. “But yes, sir, I will.”

“Good. We'll let you know as soon as they're back.” With that Daniel was dismissed.

He returned to his office and sat by his dog.

Still waiting.

Daniel worked on his boring translations again just to do something. 

Later, Janet showed up with dinner and Daniel fed Flyboy from the box of dry food he always had in his office for emergencies like this. 

When the klaxons howled through the SGC, Daniel froze in his desk chair. Flyboy started barking because he'd been startled out of sleep. Daniel absently patted his dog, told him to be good and dashed out of his office, slamming the door shut behind him. 

He ran.

He knew he wasn't allowed to run like this in the hallways, but he couldn't help it.

He took the stairs to the control room two at a time.

He skidded to a halt next to Walter. Hammond was already there. 

“It's SG-1,” Walter said calmly. 

“Open the iris,” ordered General Hammond.

Daniel balled his hands into fists, forcing himself not to fidget. 

The gate opened and for the endless stretch of … seconds... nothing happened. Then Teal'c came through, one arm wrapped around a limping Sam, his staff weapon in his other hand. 

Daniel's heart did a staccato beat until... 

Jack stumbled out onto the ramp, carrying a still figure over his shoulder. There was blood on BD's BDU jacket... lots of blood... 

“Get a medical team in here,” Jack yelled just as the door opened and Frasier burst through, followed by two nurses with a gurney. 

Daniel didn't realize he was holding his breath until he had to gasp for air. 

Jack started to sway under BD's weight as the nurses assisted him and put BD on the gurney. Jack slumped on the ramp where he was and buried his face in his hands for a moment. When he looked up again there was blood on his face, too.

Big Daniel's blood.

It must have been on Jack's hands.

As they rolled the gurney out of the gate room, Jack slowly came to his feet. General Hammond was down there now, talking to Jack, Teal'c and Sam. 

Daniel's feet started moving as though they had a life on their own. Down the stairs, around the corner, into the gate room. He stopped next to the general, at a loss of what to say or to do. 

“Drone is dead,” Jack said grimly.

“It did not succeed in taking the weapon design from MajorCarter,” said Teal'c. 

“I have it here with me.” She patted her vest pocket. There was a gash over her left eye, blood trickling down the side of her face. Her hair was grimy and she was dust and dirt streaked. But she was alive. 

“Good work, people. Major Carter, report to the infirmary. Debriefing will be at 21:00 hours.” Hammond looked down and put a gentle hand on Daniel's shoulder before he turned and left. “I want you to attend the briefing too, Daniel.”

He could only nod, his eyes zeroing in on the dark stains of blood on Jack's pants. There was blood on the back and side of his neck, too, from when he had carried BD in. 

“How bad?” Daniel asked into the ensuing silence.

Jack gave him a weary look. “Bad.” 

They didn't say anything else, they just headed to the infirmary with a quick detour to the armory to get rid of their weapons. 

Doctor Warner directed Sam to one of the cubicles and took a good look at Jack. “Is that Doctor Jackson's blood on you, Colonel?”

“Yeah. I'm fine. How is he?” 

“He is in surgery. Lost a lot of blood. I can't tell you much as of now. Doctor Fraiser will report to you immediately once she knows more.” Warner gave Daniel a frown. “Are you injured, too, Daniel? If you're not I suggest you wait somewhere else until the colonel is ready to leave. We have injured Tok'ra and Jaffa to tend to as well and it's a bit busy in here.” Turning back to Jack, he said, “You can wait in the cubicle next to Major Carter. I'll send Doctor Weaver in shortly. Please hand your BDUs over to one of the nurses for disposal.”

Daniel opened his mouth to protest, when he felt Jack's hand on his shoulder. “Daniel, go and wait in the hallway. I'll be right there.”

“But...”

Jack gave him a gentle nudge towards the open door. “I know, kiddo. But it'll take a while until he's out of surgery.”

“I will wait with you until O'Neill returns,” Teal'c offered. 

Relieved not to be alone Daniel nodded and they settled down on the uncomfortable chairs in the hallway outside the infirmary. 

“Teal'c, what happened?” Daniel asked as soon as the Jaffa was seated next to him. “How...?”

“DanielJackson and MajorCarter were in the lab with JacobCarter when Anubis attacked. MajorCarter was downloading a new matrix into the Kull Warrior weapon. During the attack JacobCarter took the weapon and MajorCarter escaped with the weapon design. DanielJackson was with her. One of the Kull Warriors was assigned to go after them to eliminate the weapon design.”

“That's what Jack said...”

“MajorCarter and DanielJackson tried to kill the drone with C4, but it did not die.”

“They blew it up and it just went on?” Daniel had known the super soldier was nearly indestructible, but it was still a horrible thought. 

“Its armor is strong. It remained undamaged. MajorCarter said it fired at DanielJackson. A tree next to him splintered and a piece of wood pierced his shoulder. He was bleeding from a head wound also. He had already lost much blood when we found them. MajorCarter was trying to distract the drone so it would not kill DanielJackson.”

“How did you get rid of it?”

“JacobCarter gave O'Neill the upgraded weapon. It turned out to be effective.”

“At least there's that,” Jack said as he approached them. “It fell like a tree.” There was grim satisfaction in his voice. 

“Are you okay?” Daniel asked, raking his eyes over his guardian. Because of BD's blood being all over Jack's jacket and pants they hand thrown Jack's BDUs into a hazmat bin and given him blue infirmary scrubs to wear.

“Peachy,” Jack said with a grimace. “Gonna hit the shower now.” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “Warner wants you in there, T. Carter needs stitches. She's got a couple bruises, but she's okay otherwise. No word from Fraiser yet.” 

Teal'c inclined his head and entered the infirmary.

“So the weapon works now,” Daniel said as they were on their way to the locker room.

“Yeah. Let's just hope we have enough time to start mass production before Anubis comes for us.”

“They need to hurry. They need to calibrate it so that it can be fired from the Prometheus,” Daniel said, feeling his guts twisting into knots. So little time... so much to do... 

“They're already working on that. They just need Carter's upgrade now,” Jack reminded him.

“Oh, right.” 

They had reached the locker room and Jack started undressing, throwing the scrubs into the hamper. Daniel sat on the bench and watched. He tried not to think about how much blood had been on the colonel's uniform... it had probably looked worse than it was. Head wounds, he reminded himself, always bled profusely... even minor head wounds. But something had pierced BD's shoulder. What did that mean? Had it hit an artery? Probably not, or he'd be dead already. Had it damaged bones, joints? How long would it take until they knew anything?

Daniel balled his hands into fists. He had to be okay. Had to be. 

Jack, who had stripped to his boxer briefs, grabbed a towel and paused on his way to the showers to look at him. “He's got an iron skull,” he said quietly. But his eyes were dark and weary, not reflecting his words. 

“Teal'c said there was a piece of wood stuck in his shoulder.“

Jack's jaw twitched as he gritted his teeth, probably cursing Teal'c for giving Daniel a detailed report. He sat down on the bench. “Look, kiddo...”

“Tell me,” Daniel said. “I need to know.”

“He's a tough guy. He's gonna... hey, you... he's died on us a couple of times and still came back,” Jack said, trying to sound upbeat, but failing miserably. 

“Jack, please.”

Jack sighed, defeated. “It was messy. It was part of a branch or something and it splintered. I don't know how deep it went in and if it hit an artery. I left it stuck in and just fixed it so it wouldn't move while I carried him back. There was a hell of a lot of blood from the gash on his head. There were,” Jack paused and put his arm around Daniel's shoulder, “a couple of burns from the Kull weapon too. He got hit before, at least twice.” 

“Was he conscious when you found him?”

“Barely. Went into shock.” 

“Jack...” He couldn't stop his voice from trembling. 

He was hugged tightly, the smell of sweat and blood making his stomach churn. 

“Daniel, I don't know. I just... don't know. It took... a while to get him back to the gate. But Fraiser's the best. You know that, if anyone can fix him it's her.”

Daniel took a deep breath and nodded. It all depended on Janet now. And on BD's body putting up a tough fight. And a lot of luck. 

“I'll take a shower. Then we should eat something.” 

“I can't eat anything now.”

“I know. But it's going to be a long night,” Jack said, voice flat. “We better get dinner as long as the commissary is still serving something.” 

Daniel nodded and felt a shiver run through his body when Jack was gone. 

He was cold. 

**II**

Jack had showered and dragged Daniel to the commissary where they'd met T. They had sat around, poking at dinner with their forks, trying not to talk or think about Big Daniel. Carter had joined them eventually, patched up with gauze and painkillers. Her dad was in the infirmary, but Selmak was taking care of him and he was in no immediate danger. Two hours had passed like walking through molasses and they were relieved when it was time for the debriefing. 

Here they were now, reporting in turns what had happened on the planet, while Jackson was still being pieced together by Fraiser. Once Carter, Teal'c and Jack were done reporting, Hammond clued them in on some interesting facts.

He looked pissed as hell. If that was a suitable term to describe the expression on a three star general's face. “I questioned M'zel about a possible security leak and he's told me there's been an ever-growing distrust between the Jaffa and the Tok'ra lately. Apparently Anubis and his army are moving against a system lord named Olokun. Thousands of Olokun Jaffa warriors are dying for a hopeless cause. He said the Tok'ra have a spy very close to Olokun who could assassinate him. With Olokun dead the battles would be over and Olokun's Jaffa would be free to join the resistance before Anubis arrives to take them over. M'zel believes Olokun has detected the spy, tortured him and got the location of the Alpha site and the Kull Warrior weapon out of him.”

“M'zel believes Olokun has sold this bit of information to Anubis in exchange for cease fire?” Daniel asked.

“That's right. I am waiting for Jacob to be released from the infirmary to confirm the intel,” Hammond said tersely. 

“Do we not have a full disclosure agreement between the SGC and the Tok'ra?” Teal'c asked.

“I was under that impression, yes,” Hammond said sarcastically. Boy, he was mad. Jack wouldn't want to have that kind of anger directed at him. “And I'm very curious to hear what the Tok'ra have to say to these accusations. If M'zel is telling the truth, that is.” 

Teal'c's eyebrows rose just slightly. “Do you not trust in M'zel's loyalty to the Tau'ri, GeneralHammond?” 

“I do, Teal'c. But I also know the relationship between the Jaffa and the Tok'ra has been difficult from the get go. I don't want false accusations that lead to inner tension and complications. I need to get to the bottom of this.”

Teal'c bowed his head. “I agree.”

“I'll talk to Jacob first before going to address Delek and maybe pour fuel onto an already tense situation,” Hammond said. 

“But even if there is a spy in Olokun's ranks, what are chances he knows about the Alpha Site and the weapon – if he's been with Olokun for a while?” Daniel asked. 

“Good question. Naturally M'zel had no answer to that one,” Hammond agreed.

“Did you self destruct the Alpha site?” Daniel asked.

“Yes. We had no choice. With Anubis knowing the location it's not safe anymore. We still have the Beta site and now will have to find a Gamma site, I'm afraid.” Suddenly Hammond looked tired. They had taken a huge hit today. There was no need to explain that to the kid. Daniel knew perfectly well what was at stake here. The Alpha site had been their backup. The Beta site, while basically operational, was still under construction and there was probably no time to look for and build a Gamma site before Anubis attacked Earth.

The crucial point was; they didn't know when Anubis would come. But the indicating signs were it would be rather sooner than later.

Daniel bit his lip. “I wish I could provide you with new information, sir. I haven't had any new insights in months. I'm... I'm sorry.”

Hammond shook his bald head. “It isn't your fault, Daniel.”

“But if I had known... if I had known Anubis would attack the Alpha site... like I knew when he tried to attack Abydos...”

“You didn't know abut the attack,” Jack interrupted him. “You knew about the Eye of Ra because Aiyana told you about it in a dream. Jackson was the one who clued us in about the attack – because he'd already been there and done that.”

“But...”

“Colonel O'Neill is right,” Hammond said gently. “Daniel, I don't want you to take this on your shoulders. It's a nasty thing, but we'll deal with it. I know you'll let us know as soon as you get more Intel on Anubis.”

“That's just the point,” Daniel said, anxiety all over his young face. “What if I don't? What if he attacks tomorrow and I don't see the signs? What if … what if Aiyana doesn’t come back for some reason?” 

“I believe Aiyana and Oma deSala are trying to help us, Daniel. There is no reason for them to withdraw that help now.” Teal'c said.

“Maybe not by choice. Maybe The Others have put a stop to it? I don't know. They don't like Aiyana and Oma interfering and meddling with the fate of other civilizations. They want them to stay out of it all. And Oma isn't allowed to stop Anubis. It's her punishment to watch him doing what he does,” Daniel replied. “I know the knowledge is in my head. I just don't have control over when and how to access it.”

“You said the Ancients never interfere. How big a chance is there they will stop their own people... glow... things... from interfering?” Jack asked. If the glowing queen had dragged Daniel through all this crap only to leave him out in the cold now, Jack was going to wring her neck. He didn't care if she wasn't physical. He'd find a way to let her know what exactly he thought of her mind games if she decided to stop providing them with intel now. 

Daniel slumped in his chair, gazing at the table. “I have no idea.”

“The solution will come to you,” Teal'c said. 

“I just hope there's enough time left to act when it does,” Daniel murmured. 

Jack was about to say something flippant in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood, when the clicking of high heels on the stairwell announced the arrival of Doc Fraiser. 

Her face was almost as white as her lab coat. She paused for a second at the top of the stairs, then crossed the room briskly and stopped by the table. Hammond indicated for her to sit down and she slid into one of the chairs, appearing almost as small as Daniel. 

Jack felt his fingers tighten around his pen. “How is he?” _C'mon_ , he thought, _give us a smile and thumb's up._

She didn't smile. “The head wound was minor. He has a concussion, no skull fracture. The splintered wood in his shoulder didn't hit any bones or joints. However, it went in very deep and while it didn't puncture arteries, we had to remove it in pieces because of the splinters. It took time to clean the wound and we had trouble stopping the bleeding once it was out. He is currently on transfusions.” She paused. “He also has two third degree burns from the Kull Warrior weapon, one on his leg and one close to the shoulder injury.” 

“What's your prognosis, Doctor?” Hammond asked.

She let out a huff of air as though she was bracing herself for what she had to say. “At this point it can go either way. If he doesn't develop infection he should be stable soon. But it was very difficult to remove all the splinters from the shoulder wound. Infection is a high possibility at this point, either from that wound or the burns. There was a lot of debris and dirt everywhere. The blood loss has weakened his condition, too. All we can do for now is wait. We're giving him antibiotics and are treating the energy burns. If he makes it through the night without developing a fever, he should be on the mend.”

“Can we see him?” Daniel asked in a very small voice.

“He's not awake yet. But yes, you can see him as soon as he's conscious again. But he needs rest. So only one at a time and not for too long. Well, Daniel, you can go with the colonel.” She addressed Hammond next. “General Carter has asked to see you.”

“That's good to hear. I need to talk to him, too,” Hammond said. “How is he?”

“Selmak is healing him. He just needs rest.” 

They were dismissed soon after Fraiser had left. Teal'c headed for M'zel's guest quarters to talk to him. The rest of them trudged back to the infirmary. Carter waited to see her dad. Jack and Daniel settled in the chairs, ready to welcome Jackson back among the living. 

“So much for the turkey dinner,” Jack said, just to fill the silence.

“Who cares about turkey dinners,” Daniel replied gloomily.

“Well, I did. I tell you, he's going to pay me back for having to spend Christmas feeding him ice chips and getting bumps on my butt from sitting at his bedside for hours.” 

It lured a grin out of Daniel at least. “We can take turns feeding him ice chips. Maybe we can decorate the tree and have a proper dinner when he's released.”

“Yeah. He better be good and bounce back ASAP. I was really looking forward to that turkey,” Jack whined.

“Jaa-aack.”

“What?”

Daniel rolled his eyes, then sighed. “Why is this taking so long? Shouldn't he be awake by now?”

“Oh, you know the drill. They have to remove the tube, check his vitals, make sure he's got all his marbles, roll him out of recovery, check his vitals again.” Jack had done this waiting routine a lot over the years. So had Daniel, Carter and Teal'c. But it never got old to the point that they had gotten used to it. 

Daniel wrapped his arms around himself. “I'm little. Time goes by slower than usual,” he pointed out wearily. 

_Molasses_ , Jack thought. He brushed a hand over Daniel's blond head. “He'll be okay.” 

“You don't know that.”

“No,” he admitted. “But he'll be okay anyway.” Had to be. This was Daniel. Bounce-back-boy. Whumped-but-never-down-guy. He was too stubborn to... not to be okay.

Jack had seen that jagged, ugly piece of wood sticking out of Jackson's shoulder. He'd seen the way it had been rammed in deep. He'd also seen those burns. They hadn't been large, but deep and nasty. Yet... 

_Hell, he's been through a lot worse_ , Jack thought angrily. 

Little Daniel jumped up and started pacing the corridor, driving Jack crazy within the minute as he watched him. Ten steps left, turn, ten steps right, turn, ten steps left, turn...

“Daniel,” he said, trying not to sound annoyed.

“What?” Ten steps right, turn, ten steps left, turn.

“Will you stop that.”

“I'm sorry! I can't just sit there!”

He was about to just grab him and pull him into his lap. They didn't do that anymore. Daniel had grown out of it, but these were desperate circumstances and the kid would go into hyper drive soon. Besides, Jack could do with a bit of cuddling himself.

However, Fraiser chose that moment to come out and inform them that Jackson was conscious and alert. She gave them the usual “Not longer than five minutes” warning as she ushered them down the corridor to intensive care. 

Jackson was hooked to the usual lines of IV and blood transfusion. His shoulder was heavily dressed and the burn underneath looked nasty enough to make Jack wince in sympathy. The one on his exposed right leg didn't seem so bad... for a third degree burn anyway. 

He was pale and drowsy, but managed the shadow of a smile. “Tell me you came to take me out of here?” he joked in the raspy voice of the recently intubated. 

Jack picked up the small cup of ice chips on the nightstand. They were partly melted already. “We'd love to, but little Napoleon might have objections. Want some coffee flavored ice chips?” 

He snorted, winced and closed his eyes for a moment. “Don't make me laugh. Throat. Hurts.”

“Imagine they're coffee flavored,” the kid said. He had stopped at the foot of Jackson's bed and gazed at him worriedly. “Christmas Blend.”

Jack fished two of the slippery ice chips from the cup with a small spoon. Jackson eyed him wearily, his eyes a brilliant blue even with the dark circles underneath. “I already had ice.” He tried clearing his throat and winced again. 

“Aht, open up,” Jack ordered. “Don't make me do the airplane thing.” 

Jackson's eyebrows shot up, then came down equally as fast and crinkled in annoyance. “Air... what?”

“You know...” Jack raised the hand with the spoon and moved it in a wide circle, making humming noises.

“Ja-ack,” the Wretch groaned.

Jackson rolled his eyes. “Only you... mpf...” 

“Gotcha,” Jack said smugly, pulling the spoon away. “One more for me?”

“Janet tell you I need rest?” Jackson asked while he sucked on the ice chips, a slightly sullen look on his face.

Jack absently started stirring the melting bits of ice in the cup. “How ya feelin'?”

“Great,” Jackson muttered, “then along came you...” His eyes drooped close. “'m fine. Woozy. Drugged. No pain.”

“Yeah, you'll be hungover tomorrow,” Jack joked. 

With a flutter of lashes Jackson opened his eyes again, focusing on LD. “You have to help with the turkey now.”

Daniel smiled. “It's in the freezer. It can wait 'til you're out of here. Then Jack and I will fix a belated Christmas dinner for all of us and celebrate your coming home.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Jack said. 

“Shouldn' delay Christmas 'cause of me,” Jackson slurred, his eyes closing again. 

“You let us worry about that,” Jack said briskly. “You work on getting outta here, that's an order. And one you better follow.” 

Jackson's lips twitched into a smile, then he was out like a light. 

Drugged.

Jack and Daniel left quietly and almost ran into Carter who was waiting outside. “How is he?” she asked.

“Asleep,” Jack said, pulling the door closed behind him. “Full of Fraiser's happy-no-pain cocktails.”

“How are you?” LD inquired. “You look tired, Sam.” 

She shrugged. “Nothing a couple of Tylenol and a few hours of sleep can’t cure.”

“Go, get some shut-eye. He'll be still here in an hour or two and maybe awake enough to follow whole conversations,” Jack said. “Your dad doing okay?”

She nodded as they walked down the corridor together to the elevators. “General Hammond is still with him, but I got to say hi at least. Will you guys stay the night? We could meet for breakfast.”

Jack looked down at Daniel, who looked back at him in silent agreement. If this was a normal day they'd have a ton of things to do. Decorating the tree, wrapping gifts, prepping dinner... But their Christmas had just taken a backseat and so... 

“Breakfast sounds good,” he said. “I'll tell Teal'c. 08:00.”

“Do you think we can slip in coffee for BD tomorrow?” Daniel asked. “If he's doing okay tonight?” 

Carter grinned. “Maybe not tomorrow, Daniel. But probably the day after, depending on what kind of medication he’s on.” 

They took the elevator and Carter left for her base quarters while Jack and Daniel bundled up and went to fetch the dog for a walk. 

It had started to snow again in fluffy thick flakes and soon their hats and jackets were powdered. So was the dog. The forest seemed to hold its breath. Every sound was swallowed by the thick white mass. They plowed through it, leaving deep footprints in their wake. 

Daniel stopped in a glade and stared into the dark sky. “I can't see the star,” he said.

“The stars?” Jack looked up, too, trying to get a glimpse at the stars in the whirling snowfall. 

“No. The star. The Christmas star. I know of course it's really Venus that appears every year around this time. But...” He shrugged. “It's probably too late, it's already gone. I just thought...”

“For good luck?” Jack pulled off his cap and slapped it on his thigh to get rid of the snow, then put it on again. They'd have to go back soon. 

“Yes.” Daniel leaned back against him and Jack pulled him close as they watched the sky together. 

“The snow is too dense. And it's getting worse,” Jack cautioned. 

“He'll be okay, right?” Daniel's gloved hand searched for his and Jack took it as they walked back, Flyboy on their heels. 

“Yeah,” he said, believing it now. After all, he'd been through worse. And it was Christmas. That had to count for something, right? 

***

Little Daniel woke with a start and sat up in bed. 

Only he wasn't in his bed. Neither at home nor at his base quarter – where he remembered going to bed after they had returned from their walk with Flyboy. He very clearly remembered how they had checked on Jackson again who'd still been asleep. Janet had informed them he was running a light fever, but she hadn't been overly worried. 

They had had hot chocolate at the commissary to get warm again and then Jack had sent Daniel to bed and they had argued a bit about whether or not Daniel should go to bed even if he thought he wasn't tired and wouldn't be able to sleep. Jack had won the argument and Daniel had taken Flyboy to his base quarters and... 

And now he was rubbing his eyes at the sight of the brightly lit Christmas tree and the roaring fire in the fireplace. The tree was decorated in silver and white and it emitted a faint glow even though there were no LED lights on it. Lit candles on the mantlepiece and the table were the only other source of illumination. There were gifts wrapped underneath the tree in gold and silver foil. 

Daniel pushed away his blankets, realizing they were embroidered with tiny blue reindeer on white ground. He looked down at himself. He was dressed in red flannel Pajamas. 

Okay, this was... strange. He had never possessed flannel Pajamas. Not red, or otherwise. 

“Danielis!” The voice startled him out of his stupor and he felt a pang of relief at the sight of Aiyana standing in front of the tree. Her auburn hair glowed like fire and when she turned around her eyes sparkled. “This is a lovely place you created.”

“Created?” he asked, stunned. “Me?” 

She stepped to the tree and reached out a hand to brush over the green needles. “Such beauty. This is the time of the birth of Jesus, is it not?” 

“Yes. Yes, it is. Aiyana, what did you mean when you said I created this place?” He turned in a circle, taking in his surroundings more closely. “This is our living room,” he blurted out. And it really was Jack's living room. And he'd been on the couch, not in a bed. 

“You called me here. You created a place in your mind where we meet.”

“But... you're really here, aren't you? You're not some kind of... hallucination?” He always got confused over this. Last time they’d met Aiyana had visited him in Honduras. He knew he was in some kind of trance when they talked. But he thought she was really there, not a figment of his imagination? 

A tender fingertip pushed at one of the silver baubles, causing it to sway gently. “Part of me is here, yes. These are difficult times. I cannot appear fully, nor can I become physical.” She turned to face him and he was once again drawn to her beauty. Her face, smooth and flawless like porcelain, her gentle eyes... all surrounded by the same soft glow as the tree and the candles. 

“The Others are watching you and Oma. That's why you don’t come to see me anymore.” He knew it! When he had said it in the briefing earlier, he had instantly known he was right.

She nodded, sadly. “Yes, precious child. They know the path we have chosen and they are not pleased. But the path is chosen now and we cannot become weak in our resolve.”

“Show me how to access the knowledge alone,” Daniel said. “Show me how to access it all at once. Time is running out.”

She touched one of the straw stars on the tree. “It will overwhelm you and cause great damage. You have to be taught with great care. You cannot receive all the knowledge at once, Danielis.”

“But he's coming,” he said, raising his voice to make her listen. “He's coming! He attacked the Alpha site! He knows we built that weapon!”

“I know. But he will not come yet. You have time, Danielis. Time to learn what you must. First, however, you need to teach your compator how to use the gene. It is time for him to acknowledge that gift, however difficult it may be for him.” 

Daniel sat back on the couch. He realized there was a bowl of cookies on the table. Chocolate chip walnut cookies. And there was that picture he had given Jack last Christmas, showing him grinning into the camera. And his hand print in plaster on the other side of the twofold frame. 

“How... how am I going to teach Jack?” he asked. 

He remembered Aiyana telling him about the ancient gene when they'd met in Honduras... Jack was a descendant of the Ancients... but the gene had never been meant to be activated before the human race had evolved enough to know how to use it. The events following the discovery of the Stargate had led them to the repository of knowledge, which had activated the gene way before it was supposed to happen. 

“Jack has the gene, I have the knowledge,” Daniel recalled their conversation. 

“And together you will proceed to fulfill your destiny. Once you've guided him in the right direction he will learn how to use it quickly,” Aiyana agreed.

Daniel remembered what else she had said that day by the waterfalls that led to the Fountain of Youth. 

“ _While he has the ability to use his gene, he isn't open-minded enough. Jack O'Neill has what you call trust issues. He will not allow me or Oma to guide him. But his loyalty to you is stronger than any bond he shares with anyone.”_

“How?” he asked again. 

“He must find it in himself. He must open his mind. All you can do is make him listen. Convince him to overcome what is holding him back.” 

“It always comes down to that, doesn't it?” Daniel said with a sigh. “Me trying to make him listen. Do you have any idea what a thankless job that can be?” 

Aiyana picked up one of the pictures standing on the mantle piece. Daniel only now spotted them, too. “That's Al,” he pointed out, momentarily distracted. “He's a friend of mine.” He walked over to stand next to the Ancient. “The others you know.” He looked at the row of photographs. “Jack, Sam, Teal'c. Big Daniel.” 

“Those who are closest to you,” Aiyana said. She picked up Big Daniel's picture. “He is in great pain.”

“Yeah, he was hurt on the Alpha Site. But he'll be okay.” 

“He is not ready to release his burden. But he is weakening.” 

It took the eternity of a second for Daniel to grasp what she said. But even as he heard the words, even as his mind translated them into what they really meant, he refused to acknowledge them. “He's in the infirmary. He'll recover.”

“His body is losing the battle as we speak,” Aiyana said gravely. She moved across the room and stopped at the steps that were leading into the dark hallway. “Danielis, what is this?”

“What?” He spun around to see what she meant. “That's a mistletoe,” he said impatiently. “Aiyana... please...” 

“A mistletoe?” She reached up to where it hung on a silver ribbon from the ceiling in the doorway. “Tell me about its meaning, please?” 

“I can't!” Daniel wanted to grab her arm and shake her, but knew it would be impossible as she wasn't physical. “What's happening to BD? What are you saying? He's not going to... he's not... We need to save him!” He felt his guts turn to ice. “I need him! I need him to help me fight Anubis,” he blurted out. “And he's my... he's like my brother! We can't just let him go!” 

“The mistletoe,” Aiyana asked softly. “What does it represent? Why is it here?”

“I don't know why it's here! It's a Christmas tradition...” He needed to get out of this trance, or whatever it was. “I have to wake Jack! Janet!” 

“They are already with him,” Aiyana said. “They chose not to rouse you so you would not become upset. They are trying to save him. But it is your compator who has it in him to heal. If he chooses to listen to you.” Again she gazed at the mistletoe. “An intriguing plant. Is it not made for lovers to kiss underneath? To seal a bond for life?” 

“Something like that, yeah.” He had heard enough. “I need to go. I don't know how, but I'll try to... make him listen.” 

Aiyana's face began to melt, becoming one with the glow of the tree, the light of the candles; the room vanished and Daniel found himself back in his base quarters sitting on his bed. Flyboy was standing in the middle of the room, his neck fur ruffled, his ears twitching, growling deep in his throat. 

Daniel was back in his t-shirt and shorts, the weird red flannel pajamas gone. He almost fell out of bed in his haste to get up. He put on his BDUs, a fresh shirt, socks and sneakers. He smoothed his hair down with both hands, took a minute to calm the dog, and was out the door in a flash. 

**III**

They were all sitting on those chairs again, outside intensive care. Jack, Teal'c, Sam – and Jacob. When Daniel came dashing down the hallway, Jack wondered whether the kid had developed the sixth sense or something... how could he know? Jack had been considered going to get him, but couldn't make up his mind. He knew Daniel wanted to be here in case... he knew Daniel had a right to be here, with his team mates. Had a right to know what was going on. 

Yet, Jack had let him sleep, thinking he'd wake him later, depending on where this new crisis was going... 

Jackson had developed an infection from the shoulder wound or the arm burn. Both were inflamed and the antibiotics weren't working. Janet guessed something in or on the piece of wood that had stuck in his shoulder was causing it. Whatever it was, it had gone from a light fever to extreme high fever and spasms within an hour. 

Fraiser was in there.

Jack was out here.

And he was slowly crawling up the walls. This simply wasn't happening. Couldn't be happening. He'd been awake, talking, sucking damn ice chips just a couple hours ago... 

Reflexes on auto-pilot, Jack's hand grabbed Daniel's arm as he skidded to a halt in front of him and almost toppled over. 

“Jack!” 

“Daniel...”

“You should have told me what's going on,” he said, a flash of hurt in his eyes.

“We don't know anything yet. I was going to get you...” 

“Okay, never mind that now! You need to listen to me!” He was out of breath and tugging his arm out of Jack's grasp. “Aiyana just came to me.” 

Jack knew this was important. He had to get his act together and listen to this. If Aiyana had come to tell Daniel Anubis had just landed in their backyard... 

_Not now,_ he thought wearily. _Not now_. “What is it?” he asked. “Calm down, Daniel. What did she want?” 

Teal'c and Sam stood, ready to run and fight the good fight. “Is Anubis going to attack?” the Jaffa asked, his voice as calm as usual.

“Daniel? What did she say?” Jack repeated.

“She said...” He paused, head tilted to the left, staring at Jack. “She said you can heal him. Only you can.”

 _What?_ “What?”

“You have the ancient gene.”

Oh, for... “And? So? I'm not very good at this thingamajig crap as you know,” Jack said.

“Because you haven’t allowed it to develop! You're blocking it!” 

“All right, all right... what am I supposed to do?” He had barely been able to operate the Telchak device with this “superior” gene. He had tried to play with Ancient technology later – in Carter's lab – with very little success. He was bad at this. 

“The ancients possess healing powers,” Daniel said. “You already used it once. When you and BD were going to die on Anubis' ship.” 

“It was Oma. She gave me a boost or something.” He couldn't have done that on his own. No way. 

“But you have it in you,” Daniel insisted. “Aiyana said so. She said you're the only one who can help him.”

“Aiyana is an Ancient. She healed all of you in Antarctica,” Teal'c said. “If you are a descendant of the Ancients, you may have it in you as well.” 

“Sir, you could try,” Carter jumped on the wagon. “It can't make things worse.”

Jack scrubbed a hand over his tired face. “Look,” he said, trying not to sound irritated, “I may have this gene, but I'm not Aiyana. I've got no super powers. It just doesn’t work that way. I'd go in there and zap him back to health. But I can't do that.”

“It worked on Abydos,” Daniel said, a stubborn line between his eyes.

“I had help on Abydos. Why don't you tell Aiyana to come out and help? To hell with their stupid non-interference rule,” Jack snapped. “She's around? Hell, get her to help him!” 

“She's gone,” Daniel said. “She... she said you have to listen to me and to really try. She said you have to overcome your doubts and just do it.” 

“Daniel, I couldn't even light an ancient light bulb right now,” Jack yelled, losing his cool.

Jackson was dying in there and Daniel's glowy friend wanted Jack to deliver the Christmas miracle? And what if he tried and made things fucking worse? He wasn't Ancient material. He was a soldier, a warrior... his mind liked things to be simple and he was a bit dense at times. He was NOT spurting glowy energy. He could save the world with a P90. Sometimes he could save Daniel's world with hot chocolate, cuddles and band aids. And he could come up with an occasional bright idea. 

But he couldn't heal people. He didn't have it in him. 

“Try! I want you to stop balking and try!” Daniel yelled back. He took a deep breath and continued in a very controlled voice. “You healed him on Anubis' ship, Jack. You activated the Telchak device. You knew how it worked because it is IN you. Aiyana said it's time for you to find your potential. Because you're going to need it when Anubis attacks. Try to... try to open your mind. Try doing it for him.”

“Sir, it's crucial that you learn how to work this gene,” Carter said. 

Oh, he had heard that broken record a lot after they'd returned from Honduras. They had tried to make him activate stuff and he'd sucked at it. Mostly. 

“Carter...” he started, but she actually cut him off.

“If we need to work with ancient technology to defeat Anubis, you are our only chance to make it happen. Daniel is right. You need to learn. And with all due respect, sir... if you have the ability to heal the other Daniel, you should damn well do it.”

“Indeed,” Teal'c said darkly. 

“I don't know how this works,” Carter went on. “There is no scientific way to explain the ancient gene and what it does. Maybe brain patterns... I haven't figured it out yet. I hate to be dependent on something like that as much as you do, Colonel. But you can't just sit here and do nothing – if there's even a small chance to help him.”

Jack resisted the urge to clamp his hands over his hear and hum LOUDLY. He felt cornered and he hated feeling that way. He couldn't... 

The door opened. There was Fraiser to tell them they didn't need to pump glowy energy into Jackson. She'd tell them to relax, go to bed and let him sleep so he'd be rested in the morning. She... 

“We cut away all the inflamed tissue, cleaned both wounds again, tried a different mix of antibiotics. Either the fever breaks or...” She didn't finish the sentence.

“Would it help to have a sample of the tree the wood came from? To isolate the bacteria that's infected him?” Carter asked. 

Fraiser shook her head. “We did some tests on the pieces we removed from his shoulder. What we found was some kind of fungus on the bark so I'm guessing that's what's causing this sudden inflammation. This is an alien environmental fungus. We are testing various antibiotics on it, but we're running out of time. Until we find something we have to try and hit the one antibiotic that might work.” She nodded at the open door behind her. “I know I can't keep you from doing your Daniel-watch routine so I won't even try. Just take turns. I don't want to have any of you pass out from exhaustion in here.” 

“Do you need help?” Carter asked. At least she didn't mention ancient healing energies. No one did. Not even Daniel. 

“I'm grateful for any assistance, Sam. Right now I'm really at a loss...” Her eyes darted to LD and she snapped her mouth shut. Patting Carter's arm she nodded. “Come on.” 

Carter squeezed Daniel's shoulder as she went and shot Jack a look that said he'd better not screw this up. Teal'c reverted to glowering at him, one eyebrow raised meaningfully. 

“Jack.” Daniel whispered brokenly. “Please.”

Crap.

Double damn... 

He pushed open the door and walked in.

Sat down at Jackson's bed. Like he had done countless times before. Prior to the downsizing, after the downsizing with Little Daniel, later with Big Daniel after the Abydos disaster... 

Oma had helped him when he’d healed Jackson and himself on that ship. There was just no way he could have done it alone. 

_What about the Telchak thingy? You made that work on your own. No glowy lady there to snap her fingers and do magic for you._

Yeah, but that had been technology. The ancient gene was supposed to activate ancient technology, right? It was creepy enough. But healing people? He didn't want to become some super power freak. That just wasn't for him. It was a gift he hadn't asked for. Couldn't embrace. Wouldn't. 

_And who has asked Daniel if he agreed to this when he got zapped back to seven with all his memories intact? Who'd given Daniel a choice to accept what he is now and do what he'd been asked to do?_

Jack groaned inwardly. Were they all just figures on Oma's cosmical chess board? Daniel had said that once. That he felt like a pawn on a chess board. 

Jack picked up a damp cloth and wiped Jackson's brow. He looked like a ghost. There was a thin layer of sweat on his pale skin. 

“Don't you DARE fucking die on me.”

Hot rage jolted through him. At Anubis. At the universe, the damn Ancients, the unfairness of it all... even at Jackson for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Getting a damn tree blown up in your face? Yeah, right, that's just what had to happen. What a stupid way to die.

Except Jackson wasn't going to die. 

“Just... don't,” he whispered. 

Jack put the cloth away and closed his fingers around the lax, cool hand resting on the blankets. He applied pressure, willing him to squeeze back with his mind. 

“I didn't haul your sorry ass all the way back through the gate for nothing, you hear that? Get your act together. C'mon. We need you around here.”

Nothing happened. 

Letting go of Jackson's hand Jack slowly got up and walked around the bed. This was SO not going to work. He took in the burn. They had cleaned it out once more, but it was starting to look inflamed all over again. Whatever was at work here, it spread fast. The pristine sling almost blinded him. He closed his eyes as he tried to look for that something that would kick start the energy; the glow and the pulling feeling he had experienced when he'd done this on Anubis' ship. 

If Daniel was right, if Aiyana was right... all he had to do was focus on it... 

Jack raised his hand, let it hover over Jackson's arm.

Waited.

Nothing.

No pull of energy, no glow, no... nothing.

Jack's eyes snapped open as he lowered his hand.

There was a loud gasp and when he spun around Daniel stood in the open door, eyes huge as saucers. “I...” he choked out in that small little boy voice that was always so much more apparent when he was sad, upset or scared. 

Jack managed to leave his spot without getting tangled in Jackson's IV lines. He reached out for the kid and Daniel crossed the room, allowing Jack to embrace him with one arm. 

“Try again,” Daniel said into the heavy silence.

“What?”

“What you just... did. You have to try again.”

“I tried. Didn't work,” Jack said, feeling the anger bubble up again. 

“Aiyana said...“

“I KNOW what she said, Daniel. You've been yelling loud enough!” He felt the small body flinch and immediately felt guilty for his outburst. Tightening his arm around the boy in a silent apology, he said, “It's just not working.”

This was it. The day he'd always knew would come. The moment where he would fail. The one time he couldn't live up to Daniel's expectations. Couldn't do what he asked him to do. Jack had always known that one day he would let him down. Both of them. 

He turned to face Daniel, cupping his face with both hands. “I know you can't sleep, buddy. Why don't we take the dog for a late walk?” 

Jack needed to get out of here. Needed to not see Jackson's pale sweaty face any longer. And he needed to get the kid out of here... but at the same time it dawned on him that he wouldn't, couldn't leave.

No matter how much he wished to be elsewhere. 

Daniel looked up at Jack. “You have to stay with him.”

“Teal'c will take over in a bit,” Jack said automatically, his eyes flickering away from Daniel, over to the bed. “Fraiser wanted me out of here to get some rest hours ago.”

“Teal'c can go with me,” Daniel replied. “You stay with him.”

But Jack could see the fear in those big blue eyes, the weary evidence of experience with blood loss, injuries, infections … and what was going to happen if the meds failed. Jack hated having to choose between his Daniels. He needed to stay. But he also needed to make this somehow bearable for the little one. 

Jack patted his face, trying for an upbeat voice. “It's Christmas. The least we should do is have a walk in the snow under the stars, build a snow man, do snow angels, throw some balls at each other... to wind down a bit.”

“No.” Daniel took a step back. 

Jack's hands fell to his side, the forced smile leaving his face. Who was he trying to kid here? There was nothing he could do to make this better for the mini-Daniel. Again, he realized he was failing. 

“I'm fine. I want you to stop worrying about me, Jack. I don't need you to play in the snow with me. It won't make any of us feel better and you know it.”

“My worry-radar has no off switch,” Jack pointed out with a grimace. “You've been holed up in here for two days. The whole turkey dinner and Christmas stuff has been blown to netu, but we could go for some distraction.” 

“Teal'c can distract me if you really think that's what I need,” Daniel said, offering a compromise. 

“What kind of distraction do you require, Daniel?” Teal'c's deep voice came from the door and they both looked at the Jaffa striding in.

“Take me and Flyboy for a walk, please?” Daniel asked.

Jack crossed his arms and tried to glare. But he was too tired to glare. And too grateful to the big guy for showing up and taking the kid away from here for a while. Yet, he had to say, “I was going to take them.”

“You stay here,” Daniel said quietly. “You need to stay here,” he repeated urgently. “I know you want to. You _have_ to.”

Jack shook his head, his voice fading away. “Danny, there's nothing I can do.”

Daniel stepped forward again and took Jack's large hands into his small ones. “Keep trying. And if you can't... Just be with him. In case he has to go.” 

“I will take you and Flyboy for a walk,” Teal'c said. He turned to Jack. “You will try again, O'Neill.”

Jack pulled his hands out of Daniel's. _Are you okay, kiddo?_

“I'm okay. As okay as I can be.” 

Jack watched them leave, a mixture of dread and relief surging through him. He'd stay until the fever broke. Or not. But he was glad Teal'c had taken the kid away. Was glad Daniel had let Teal'c take him away, had allowed his big friend to take care of him.

So Jack could do his job. 

If only he had a clue how to do it.

**IV**

It had stopped snowing. The world was white with a glistening silvery touch due to the moonlight. There were stars now, many of them. Venus was already gone though. It was too late to see it anymore. 

Daniel watched his breath form small clouds as it left his mouth. He was cold. Inside and out. 

“Perhaps O'Neill could gain access to the ancient gene through meditation,” Teal'c said.

“I thought of that,” Daniel replied. He bent down and let Flyboy off the leash, but the dog stayed close to him and didn't want to play. “Jack's not very... good at this stuff. You know what he's like.”

“Indeed,” Teal'c agreed. “But he will also do everything in his power to save DanielJackson.”

“He needs to try harder.”

“He will. If what Aiyana said is true, O'Neill will succeed.”

Daniel wished he had that confidence. He knew far too well how Jack's mind worked. Right now he was channeling all his worries into anger. One way of coping. But his anger seemed to block him even further. He had to find something that would give him... hope? Confidence? Daniel had no idea. And how was he to help Jack control the ancient gene if he didn't know how to do it himself? 

Jack was right. Aiyana could have helped him. Instead of being in Daniel's mind and marveling at Christmas trees and mistletoe she should have gone to the infirmary and given Jack a hand. She must know they weren't ready yet to create miracles. It wasn't fair. 

“Daniel.” Teal'c's quiet voice made him look up. His Jaffa friend pointed at something over their heads. “I have never seen such a plant in this forest before, yet it looks familiar.”

They were standing underneath an oak tree, icicles hanging heavily from its bare branches. But there, nestled in a crook of two sturdy branches were green leaves and white berries. 

“It's mistletoe,” Daniel said, his eyes fixed on the fertile living plant in a world of snow, darkness and winter sleep. 

“Is it not the plant the Tau'ri hang over their doors on Christmas so that couples may kiss underneath? I did not know such a plant grew on trees.” 

“Yes it is. It's supposed to gift couples with a long happy life together. It's a symbol of love.” He recalled what else he knew. “The Vikings believed it could rouse people from death. Frigga got her son Balder back from the death. He was killed by an arrow dipped in mistletoe poison. She resurrected him by turning the mistletoe berries from red to white and reversed its deadly poison into something that healed. When Balder came back, Frigga kissed everyone who walked under the mistletoe out of gratitude for getting her son back. That's just one of the mistletoe myths.”

Aiyana had asked about the mistletoe, too. He wondered why there had been mistletoe in the place he had created in his mind. But then the whole place had been almost exceedingly corny with all its glitter, glow, candles and coziness.

But it had been what he wanted again for Christmas this year. 

He had always felt a special something on Christmas ever since he celebrated the holidays with SG-1. But it had been different last year. He had truly understood deep in his heart how blessed he was. How blessed they all were. For having each other. And for the first time last Christmas he had understood that it didn't make such a big difference whether he was little or big. He was still blessed. For every bad and hurtful thing that had happened in his life he had gotten something back that shone brighter than the darkness and the hurt. 

He had a family. A family that truly went through thick and thin, through joy and pain together in every sense of the meaning. And his little self had been able to let go of some of the hurt that day... just like that. Because he finally could embrace that part of who he was now. Because he knew how much he was loved, regardless of his size or age. He had known before, it just never hit home like it had last Christmas Eve. He didn't know why then. Maybe because Jack, Sam and Teal'c had gone through so much trouble to make that Christmas special for him. Maybe because the time had been right for him to let go... it didn't matter. It only mattered that it had happened. 

He wanted Christmas to be like that again this year. With all the corny, sappy wonderful things. Maybe that's why he had met Aiyana in that kind of setting. He didn't know if he'd be able to enjoy and love Christmas as much anymore once he was big again. If it would lose some of its magic again for him once he didn't have that little part in him anymore. 

He wanted to enjoy it as long as it lasted.

And because now he probably wouldn't be able to, he had created that place in his mind... 

But why the mistletoe? And was it even important? He used to be Jack's partner. They used to kiss under the mistletoe when no one was looking. They used to have one hung over the bed in Jack's bedroom... and spent a lot of time living the tradition.

But not anymore. Not like that. Never again like that. And that was okay, because … 

Because while he had lost his lover, he had a father now. It wasn't the same, would never be the same again. But they said God never closed a door without opening another one. He had lost Jack... and found him again, only in a different way. It had taken him a long time and a lot of struggling to get there and accept the changes. 

“He'll still be there when I'm big again,” Daniel whispered.

Teal'c looked down at him. “What are you referring too, Daniel?”

“Jack. He'll still be there when I'm big. When kids grow up... they still have their parents. Well, if their parents are alive and well. They'll still be there. It's not so different.”

“It is not.”

“And he... he's going to help me through this. I won't remember, but he's going to help me see this through. The memory loss... everything.”

“We all will.”

“Yes. It's what I've been trying to tell him for a while now.” Daniel felt his heart beat faster. “It's what he needs to believe, too. Teal'c? Can you get that mistletoe down from the tree?” He dug for his knife in his pocket and handed it to his friend.

He watched as Teal'c shrugged out of his thick winter coat. He held it as the Jaffa climbed the oak without any difficulties and carefully cut the mistletoe roots from the bark of the tree. When Teal'c gently placed the plant in Daniel's outstretched hands, the white berries seemed to emit a faint glow. Probably a trick of the moonlight. 

***

Jack returned to Jackson's bedside after a quick briefing with Hammond and Jacob/Selmak. Bottom line was; there was a Tok'ra spy in Olokun's ranks and Selmak hadn't known about it. Delek said the Tok'ra were starting to question Selmak's loyalty, Selmak was mad and Jacob along with him. They still didn't know, though, who had sold them out to the snake head. The alliance was off. Both Tok'ra and Jaffa had left. M'zel had pointed out the Jaffa had to learn to establish their own government and cope with their new freedom before they could truly enter into to an alliance with a third party. Jacob/Selmak had returned with Delek to the Tok'ra home world. Said he hoped to rally his supporters and mend the broken fences. They probably wouldn't see him around for a while. 

Jack knew what that meant for their chances against Anubis. He knew Carter had been looking forward to spending Christmas with her dad, even if it was at the mountain. He knew things were going down hill fast in every possible way.

Right now he couldn't care less about alliances, Tok'ra, Goa'uld... 

He'd be back on duty and functioning the way he was supposed to later. When he was needed. When it was time. 

Right now, in this moment, he needed to hole up in here and be with Daniel. Daniel, who hadn't stirred, who hadn't opened those incredible blue eyes, who was lying in his infirmary bed, skin radiating with heat, face waxen and still.

They had cleaned the wounds again while he'd been gone. There'd been some blueish fuzz in the burn wound before Jack had gone to the briefing. It was gone now. But it would be back within an hour. 

It was growing faster.

Jack had tried to do the mambo-jambo again... over and over... but he couldn't focus on anything. The ice cold hand that had clamped around his heart and gut a while ago wouldn't let go. 

“Help me,” he said to no one in particular. He wanted Oma here. Or Daniel's glow-buddy Aiyana. Oma had been on Anubis' ship. She'd looked like some freaking angel to him... it was Christmas. Angel time. “I can't do this alone. You want to teach me how to work this magic gene? Fine. But not on his back. Help me. Bring him back and I'll practice. Hell, help me and I'll meditate with Teal'c all day to make things work.“

A shadow of his earlier rage made him curse and he bit his tongue. Yelling at nothingness wouldn't change anything.

He had to... 

The door burst open and Daniel rushed in, that determined 'I'll get you to listen to me now whether you like or not' look on his face.

Oh, god. Just what he needed right now. Another lecture in 'find the force in you'.

“Daniel, I tried. I tried over and over. I... got nothing.”

“I know. But you will,” said the kid. 

Sometimes this unconditional trust was a burden Jack didn't know how to carry. “Daniel...” He trailed off, spotting the thing Daniel was carrying with him. “What's that?”

“Mistletoe. We found it in the forest.”

“If Janet catches you bringing something like that in here, she'll bite your head off,” Jack said distractedly. 

“Teal'c will stand watch.” Daniel held out the mistletoe to him. “I want you to take it.”

He took it. The rich green leaves were cold on his warm hands. The berries were white and big; like oyster pearls. “What...?”

“You have to stop being angry, Jack,” Daniel said. “It doesn't work when you're angry. Or scared. There's something else you feel. You need to allow yourself to...” He licked his lips, trying to find the right words. Jack could almost see how Daniel's mind was doing somersaults, running faster than the kid could talk. Daniel slanted his gaze eyes to the mistletoe. “You have to open up to that other feeling. Accept it. Let it... surface or something. That's where you'll find the means to activate the gene.” 

“Daniel, believe me, if I knew how to do it, I would heal him in a heartbeat,” Jack said, his hands that were holding the mistletoe trembling. 

“I'm trying to tell you how to do it. I'm trying to tell you, but you're not listening. Remember the mistletoe? Remember what it stands for? Remember how we used to hang it over your bed?”

“Yeah. And how will remembering that, help?” All it did was sting. Not nearly as bad as it used to, but... 

“Healing energy is positive energy. It can only be set free when you're in sync. When you can let go of feelings that are in your way of finding that positive energy. Maybe that's why the Ancients weren't able to heal themselves during the plague. Because they were so grief stricken, too stressed, too weakened by the knowledge so many of them were dying. They couldn't reach that energy inside them. They weren't as far evolved as they are now back then. Far from it. And it hindered them. I can see it now. You need to get past everything that's keeping you from... him.” 

Jack brushed a finger over the delicate ramification, the leaves and the plump berries. “It's that simple, huh?” 

“Yes!”

“Daniel...“

“Trust me. You can do it. I know how hard this is for you, but just this once don't fight yourself. Or your feelings. Make them your alley, not your enemy. Don't lock them away, let them out.” 

Yes, he probably could. Maybe. But once he allowed himself to go there, he might not be able to stop. He might not be able to close Pandora's Box again. 

Little Daniel covered Jack's hands with his. Small hands. The hands of a child. Jack's child. That's what he'd always be now... his son. Even after he turned big again. The thought didn't hurt anymore. He'd known this for a long time. They both had. 

It had always been the unknown fallout of this for a re-sized Daniel who would no longer remember being Jack's son that had held him back. Had tied him to the vow he'd made to himself and to both his Daniels. 

“It doesn't matter what happens tomorrow. It doesn't matter what will happen once I'm big again, Jack. All that matters is that that you do this now. Because if you don't, it'll be too late to regret it tomorrow.” 

Jack put the mistletoe on the nightstand. He cupped Daniel's face, saying the words that came across his lips so much easier for the kid than for the grown up version. Both of them. “I love you.”

“I know. And ditto.” He smiled.

“If I screw this up... “

“You won't.”

“Daniel, I can't always put things right. You know that.”

“But you can try.” 

“You know, in my day kids who always tried to have the last word ended up with coal in their stockings,” Jack muttered. 

“You can put as much coal into mine as you like, as long as...“

“Yeah, I get it.” 

“Do you want me to stay?” 

Jack opened his mouth to say 'No' and what came out of it was, “Yes. Might need a bit more prompting.”

“Okay.”

He rounded the bed and – once again – looked down at Jackson's face, the dark eyelashes resting against pale skin. 

“Focus,” Daniel said.

“I'm trying.”

“Close your eyes and try to... empty your mind of all conscious thoughts.”

 _That's easier said than done_ , Jack thought. He hated this. His mind was a dark place at times and he tended to ignore things lurking behind closed doors. It was easier that way. He liked himself better that way. 

But there were others places, light places... bright places. Where the dark stuff wasn't allowed to enter. The smell of long gone summer days in the wilderness, the wild wild joy of freedom at his first flight as a pilot, the feel of a soft body pressing against his, Sara's lips caressing his cheek, the first cry of a tiny baby boy in his arms, the pride at first steps, first words, first Christmas. 

The fall when all that had been ripped away... 

No. Not going there.

There was more.

The feeling of being needed again, the click of a lighter as it was stared at in wonder by an Abydonian boy, the warmth of growing friendship, the clarity one hug in the gate room brought to him, the relief every time death turned out to be not permanent, a touch, a kiss, a roaring fire and the heat they couldn't escape from, the hidden moments, whispers in the night,... the mistletoe when everyone had left the Christmas party... 

And again it was being taken away from him.

Jack swallowed. He was swimming in his memories, trying not to be dragged into the darkness again. Trying to go forward... 

...getting to know mini-Daniel, the feel of victory with every laugh, every smile he coaxed out of the kid, making new memories; the zoo, Prospect Lake. Raccoons and tree house picnics, ice cream and swings, hugs and cuddles, camel rides and pyramid watching... and finding another Daniel... the same Daniel, yet different. A quieter Daniel, the same eyes, but older. The same smile, but always with an air of sadness, the same guy – and not the same at all. Shared memories, shared pains, a jumbled mix of feelings, longings, denial and hurt... 

_It doesn't matter_ , Jack thought in a kind of haze. All these months of jealousy, being angry and at the same time being drawn to him all the same. All this time when Jack had been mad at his own inability to move on and leave Jackson behind like he'd done when he hooked up with Fucking-Fergus. The whole 'we can't be together but we can't stop wanting to be together' thing. This whole soap opera crap about UST and hiding behind the 'we're just friends' phrase. 

It didn't matter.

It might matter again tomorrow. Or next week. Maybe. But not now.

Now it was time to bite the bullet and do what he had to do. Jack’s thoughts started slipping, blurring, floating away from him. He wanted to get them back, didn't want to submit to this, didn't want to lose control. He hated losing control. His last articulated thoughts went out to Daniel. 

His Daniel. 

_Need you to come back. I need you. Don't leave us. Don't leave me. Not again. I can't stand losing you one more time. And don't you DARE get glowy, because they can't have you either. You belong to us. To me._

Jack was scared. His own feelings tended to do that at times. But he opened Pandora's Box and was almost knocked off his feet by the sheer force of... 

_longing_

_love_

_need_

...what was shooting, exploding, out of it. Something pulled at him and he placed one hand on Jackson's forehead, feeling the heat coming off him in waves. His other hand came to rest lightly on the bandage over his shoulder. The pull was growing stronger, something gave away and suddenly he knew what he was doing. A knowledge as old as humanity, not graspable in coherent thoughts, took over, forced itself out of Jack's mind and through his body.

***

Daniel saw the glow. He saw it streaming out of Jack's fingertips and engulfing BD's arm and shoulder. He saw it with his own eyes. But by the time it faded he wasn't sure if he had imagined it... what he didn't imagine was that the burn wound was beginning to look less nasty. Little by little the bloody, charred flesh seemed to be healing over... 

Jackson stirred, his eyes fluttered open.

Jack's hand was still glued to his forehead, the other one started moving over his body, touching his shoulder, his heart, trailing down to his belly, further down to his legs. 

Jack's eyes were still closed, sweat was trickling down his brow and then he started moaning deep in his throat. His hands jerked away from BD's body and he collapsed on the bed, his head resting on BD's chest. 

Daniel whirled around and jerked the door open. “Get Janet! Get Janet!” he yelled.

Teal'c didn't ask, he just took off at light speed.

Daniel returned to the room and watched with growing panic as Jackson started thrashing on the bed and...

Janet and two nurses barged in. 

He was pulled out of the way by Teal'c.

“The fever broke, he's down to 101,” one of the nurses said after a moment of hustle and bustle. 

“He's breathing on his own. I'm removing the tube,” Janet exclaimed. “Get Colonel O'Neill to the other bed.”

“Doctor, the burn wounds...”

“I can see it, nurse. Get the colonel out of the way and make sure he's all right.”

Jack was carried over to another bed, his blood pressure was taken, his eyes checked, his temperature measured. “He's asleep,” the nurse reported, sounding puzzled. “His blood pressure is a little high and his pulse a bit too quick, but he seems in good condition otherwise.” 

Janet was instructing BD to breathe.

Daniel rushed to Jack's side and took his hands. They were cool and dry. No glow. He didn't know what to expect, but he was relieved when they were just Jack's hands with the crooked thumbs and long fingers. As he gazed at Jack's face he noticed the dampness on his cheeks. Daniel tugged a Kleenex out of the box on the nightstand and gently wiped it away.

He'd cried those tears for BD and they weren't meant for anyone else to see. 

**Epilogue**

“I could have gone home, you know?” he said from his place on the couch. “I've been prodded, probed, poked and released with the words,” he cleared his throat and his eyebrows did that crinkling thing. In a pretty good Fraiser imitation he continued, “I don't know how Colonel O'Neill did it or what he did in the first place, but I have no reason to keep you here any longer.” 

“She also said to take it lightly and to rest over the holidays,” Jack said as he poked at the wood, coaxing the fire into sparking back to life. “And you still have a hole in your shoulder.”

“Yes, but it's healing nicely.”

“Should be. I can't believe you aren't back to hundred percent. I passed out on you, for crying out loud,” Jack grumbled. The burns were as good as gone, but the shoulder was still an issue. If not bad enough to keep him at the mountain. They were instructed to dress it twice a day and rush in immediately if there was any new sign of infection.

“Yeeahh, about that,” Jackson said, pushing his glasses up his nose. He hadn't been wearing his contacts since he got out of the mountain. Too much of a hassle to move around with the shoulder Jack assumed. “Jack...”

“Don't,” he said, raising a warning finger.

He'd done it. He'd do it again. Anytime. Always. But talking about it? No way, amigo. He had been through the bit of 'not talking about it' with the kid, too. And with Carter. Teal'c hadn't asked. He knew there were certain things that didn't need discussion. Fraiser had been a different story. She had stared him down and Jack had given her the facts. Ancient gene, descendant, glowy energy... she knew all that already. Now she knew a bit more about it. Hammond had gotten his report as well. No way around that. But they'd gotten it without the touchy feely details, mind you. 

He was not talking about those.

Jackson looked at him. “I was going to thank you,” he said quietly. 

Right. And he would still pester him about it in a minute. “You're welcome,” Jack muttered as he hung the poker back on its nail by the fireplace. 

There were six stockings, white velvet with their names written on in silver fabric marker. Jack, Daniel, Big Daniel, Teal'c, Sam and Flyboy. Yep, the dog got/had his own stocking. And why not? He was part of this family and Jack's 2IC when it came to guarding or cheering up little archeologists. 

Said 2IC and the little archeologist were tucked away in bed, Carter and Teal'c had taken a cab. T was back at the mountain and Carter snuggling with her cop. Jack had told her to invite him over, but apparently Pete had to work and hadn't been home earlier tonight. 

Which was just as well. It had been a nice Christmas day with just the five of them. Six if you counted the dog. 

They had decorated the tree together, had handed each other wrapped and unwrapped gifts – no one felt like wrapping those that hadn't been wrapped yet. They had cooked together, creating a fine mess in his kitchen, but having a hell of a good time. The turkey had been great, but the preparing of it had been almost more fun than eating it this year. Everyone got in everyone's way. LD had managed to get the stuffing everywhere when he'd pulled his hand out of the bird and tried to explain something about turkey stuffing to Teal'c – flailing his arms around to underline his words. And Teal'c had peeled all of Jack's potatoes, meaning they now had potato casserole leftovers for several days to come. Carter had gotten a bit tipsy on the red wine and had been a bit too generous with it as she’d poured it into the gravy. Jackson had pretended to be a bit grumpy because he hadn’t gotten any – he was still on medication as a precaution against the shoulder becoming infected again. And Jack was glad. He wasn't sure how quick and how soon he'd be able to pull off a stunt like this again.

He'd expected to feel different after this. But he didn't. He wasn’t spurting glowy energy from his hands and he hadn’t started hovering or having energy beams bursting out of his ears. 

It was a relief. 

He liked still feeling like himself.

“So... how...” Jackson started.

“What about 'I don't wanna talk about it' don't you understand?” Jack asked as he slumped down on the couch next to him. 

“Jack, you figured out how to use the ancient gene! Do you have any idea what a HUGE accomplishment that is?” Big Daniel stared at him, eyes bright with excitement and curiosity.

God, Jack wanted to kiss him.

“You know what a huge accomplishment is?” he asked. 

“What?” 

“Having you sitting here and bugging me about this ancient crap.” He grinned. He couldn't stop grinning today. 

Jackson rolled his eyes. “Yes, and I'm grateful. But, Jack! The ancient gene! I mean, how? I mean, you... you did it with the Telchak device, but I still want to know how you... healed me.”

Jack sighed. He raised a hand, waggled his fingers and said, “I did a little of this, called to the glowy gods, offered them my soul and passed out on top of you. And before you ask, I don't know if I can do it again. Maybe. Maybe not. It didn't feel like I had much control over it this time.”

“You need to practice,” Jackson said, ignoring the flippant stuff about glowy gods and soul sacrifices. 

“Yeah yeah. I know.”

“You don't want to.” He shook his head. “You know, sometimes I really want to smack your head against a brick wall.” 

Jack snorted. “Well, thank you. I'll keep that in mind the next time you need me to save your life.”

“No. No... Listen... you have a gift there, Jack. It's a gift that's given to... I don't know... very few people compared to Earth’s population, I guess. It enables you to do great things, it'll help us defeat Anubis! And you're not even... you're not curios? You don't want to explore it? That's just...” He waved his good arm at Jack. “That's just you, I guess,” he finished, sounding a bit defeated and a bit sullen.

“Yeah, well, I'm sorry it's not you. Because I know you'd appreciate it a hell of a lot more than I do,” Jack said. And create a hell of a lot of havoc, trying to 'explore' it. 

“YES! I would. How can you not want to figure out all about it?” 

“That's just me,” Jack shrugged.

“Okay. Okay, yes, that makes sense, actually. You wouldn't.” Shaking his head again, Jackson leaned back against the cushion. 

“Super powers aren't always a good thing,” Jack tried to explain after a moment. “Exploring them at all cost isn't always wise.”

Jackson frowned. “You won't abuse this, Jack, if that's what you're worrying about.”

“But other people might find out.” He raised his beer bottle. “I'd rather keep it low key.”

“NID. Yes, I know. But you have to practice anyway. You need to listen to the kid. He said it's important.”

“I'll practice. I just don't want to discuss it to death. And I don't want too many people to know I did... what I did today. Okay?” Carter still had a couple of ancient artifacts in her lab they used to try before. Jack had promised them he'd give it his best shot. And he would. Couldn't be too hard after what he'd done today. He still didn't like it, but that was neither here nor there.

“No one is going to breathe a word about it to anyone,” Jackson said. “You know that.” And he kept looking at Jack expectantly. 

Like a dog with a frigging bone. Jack loved him, but he was so ready to shut him up right now. “I can't explain it,” he ground out. “I don't even understand it myself. It's got to do with...” He tried to remember what the kid had said, “...being in sync, thinking positive thoughts, fairy dust... you get my drift.“

“It's out of your comfort zone. You have no control.”

“And now that you figured it out can we please not talk about it anymore?” Jack put his beer on the table. 

“You'll learn to control it, Jack.”

“Maybe.”

“Was it... no, hear me out. Why is this freaking you out so much? What did you feel?”

He was tempted to start banging his head against the coffee table. Or Jackson's. He went for bits of the truth. “Was like something pulled at my nerve endings. It was like a...” He tried to remember what it had been like. “Like something opened and there were a lot of...” Jack swallowed hard, realizing they were face to face. He could see every nuance of blue in Jackson's eyes behind those familiar wire-framed glasses. “...feelings,” he ended lamely. 

“Yes, but what...“

“Remember the mistletoe?” Jack blurted out. 

It was hanging in the doorway to the living room now, on a silver ribbon. Teal'c had hooked it up there when LD had asked him to. 

Jackson blinked. “The... yes. Yes, I do. I...” He frowned. “It was in the infirmary when I woke up.”

“Daniel found it in the forest. He... he brought it in to remind me. How it used to be between us. And that it won't be like that again. Not between him and me. No matter how fast he grows up.”

“I know. But he won't remember...” Jackson licked his lips. Jack wished he wouldn't do that. It was distracting. “He'll get hurt if we... Jack, we made that rule for a reason.”

“Doesn't change the way I feel, though,” Jack said, determined to plow through now that he had started it. 

“Doesn't change the way I feel either,” Jackson stated quietly. 

Jack felt his lips twitch. “Yeah? Sweet. I knew you'd say that.”

“But it's still an issue.”

“Yeah. But it wasn't an issue when you were going to die on me – again. It stopped being an issue then.” It changed things. And Jack wasn't sure he could go back to pretending he believed in that whole 'just friends' thing. 

“Daniel knows,” Jackson said, turning away from Jack. 

“Yeah. He’s known for a while now. Probably all this time. He's convinced he'll be okay once he's big again and we explain it to him. I don't know. Maybe he will. Maybe he won't. Maybe Anubis is going to fry us all and it won't be an issue anymore. Who knows?” 

“This is exactly the mess I wanted not to get into when I was in Egypt waiting for you to show up,” Jackson groaned. He leaped from the couch and took a few steps away from Jack. “This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. How are we supposed to make this work? You, me – him? It might work as long as he's little, maybe. But...” 

“It's because of Daniel you're still here,” Jack cut him off, rising to his feet, too. “Daniel kicked my butt into getting over this whole you, me, him crap. At least for as long as it took me to pump some of that glowy stuff into you.” 

Jackson took a couple steps to the stairs, then stopped, rigid back to Jack, arms crossed tightly. “What did you do? Kiss me awake?”

“No, I didn't kiss you awake. Who are you; Sleeping Beauty? I poured all my fucking love into you. I don't know how, but that's what did the trick. And I'd do it again, issues or not.” 

“So... the secret of activating the ancient gene is... what is it?” 

“I don't know how, but Daniel knew it's what I had to do to get you back.” 

Jackson turned slowly, wincing a little as he lowered his arms and was reminded of his bad shoulder. “It's a mess,” he said again. 

“Told you I didn't want to talk about it. You just can't leave things alone.” Jack shrugged. “Sometimes you're worse than the short stuff.” 

“I'm not.”

“Are.”

“Jack.”

“Daniel.”

“What now? We just walk away and pretend nothing happened as we usually do?”

Jack didn't know. He didn't want to walk away anymore. He was sick of it. But Jackson was right. It was still an issue. “Wait for me,” he blurted out, the words leaving his mouth before the thought formed in his head.

“What?”

“You heard me. When he's big again. You keep saying you're going to leave. Don't. Help us sort this out. And then... we'll cross that bridge. Just don't leave. And in the meantime… try not to die on me again.” 

“I...“

“Just tell me you're not going anywhere.” Jack took one, two, three steps and was in his personal space. “You owe me. Big time.” 

Jackson did that lip licking thing again and Jack couldn't resist. Maybe messing around with the ancient gene had messed with his self control more than he'd thought. Maybe the mistletoe above the door was just too tempting. 

Maybe it was the spirit of Christmas.

Or maybe it was bound to happen anyway one day. For real. Without being drugged like they had been in Honduras. 

It was just a touch of lips. A dry brushing of mouths. A soft reconnecting. The wires clicked and somewhere in the back of his head Jack registered Daniel's hands on his hips, felt his lips open, saw the glint of shock in Daniel's eyes, watched it morph into acceptance. Jack knew what they were doing was wrong on so many levels. And at the same time nothing had felt more right. 

They pulled away from each other. Jack raised a hand, touched Daniel's face, traced his cheek bone. “Whatever happens...”

They did it again. “Okay,” Daniel murmured. 

“Don't leave.” Jack buried his fingers in Daniel's hair and pulled him close until their foreheads touched. 

“I won't.” They kissed once more, inserting tongues this time. Not so gentle anymore. Their breaths hitched. Jackson pulled back first. “We need to stop.”

Jack knew they had to. He forced his body to follow his brain. “Don't die,” he growled before he let go. 

“I'll try not to.” A twitch of lips, the arch of eyebrows. “Poured all your fucking love into me?” 

“Something like that, yeah.” 

“That's touching.”

“Sorry. I'm not the linguist around here,” Jack muttered and took a step back to get his head straight again. “You take the bed, I'll take the couch.”

“You do realize this is torture?” Jackson looked bewildered. 

“Ya think?” Jack knew full well why he hadn’t wanted to talk about this whole mess in the first place. Now it was out there. And he had no idea how to tuck it away again into its place until all this was solved. 

“I'll use the bathroom first,” Jackson said. “Might take a while.” 

“Right.”

“I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Breakfast.”

“Right.” He turned and stalked out. 

Jack looked after him and knew he'd take a nice long shower later.

Fin


End file.
